The Identity Crisis No One Tells You About After Divorce

After a divorce or separation, a lot of changes happen that affect your life and your emotions in a way you never thought possible.  In the early stages, navigating through the end of your marriage might feel a bit like a war zone, where you are battling over your assets, your children, your home, and finances, while watching the life you had slowly crumble around you.

Admittedly, there are a lot of obvious transitions that you and your family will face, from custody arrangements to living situations and different family dynamics, but there’s another change that occurs following a split that no one talks about: the identity crisis.

It’s an uneasy feeling of emptiness immediately after a divorce, like you’re wandering aimlessly with no ties or obligations to another human and wondering who you are supposed to be now that you’re no longer somebody’s wife and partner.

You’re no longer one half of a partnership, but you still feel like you’re a half of something that doesn’t exist anymore and initially you’re not exactly sure how to make yourself whole again.

This might be particularly challenging if you have been married for a long time, have children together, or if you were a stay at home parent who handled the household duties and were the primary caregiver of your children.

Such as in my situation, where I spent a total of 5 of my 11 years in my marriage as a stay -at-home mom, looking after children, running a small business in the process and handling the bulk of the mental load of the household as my husband worked to provide for our family.

Among other things, my life was preoccupied with to-do lists, appointments, school events, coordinating schedules, craft shows, running my business,  grocery shopping, meal planning, gift-buying and managing finances. My brain was always so busy with the next event or task, that there wasn’t much time for myself or a social life outside of child rearing and marriage. But I was comfortable in that role and enjoyed taking care of my family and pursuing my passions.

Additionally, not only did my role as a wife end when my marriage ended, but my job as a stay at home mom came to a halt at the same time when my twins went to school in September. And that made things even more difficult.

I wasn’t entirely sure who I was as an individual and a single person anymore, because I hadn’t been that person in 11 years, and it felt like the former version of myself was long gone. I had to refocus, rebuild, reframe my mind and figure out who I was outside of being a wife and stay at home mom, since my identity was tied to those roles for so long.

Following my separation, I returned to school to update my skills because it had been a long time since I had worked outside of the home, and everything I had done in the past felt irrelevant now. I had changed so much from the person I was in my 20’s, and I felt like I had buried most of that person when I became a mom.

But I wondered if I was supposed to build a new identity or revive parts of myself from the past. I knew on a personal level that I had abandoned parts of myself that I did want back- such as my carefree zest for life and having fun. I wanted to go out to events and concerts, meet people, try new things and eat at different restaurants.  I wanted to socialize and experience life again, since I had been holding myself captive in my home for so long while taking care of the needs of others.

In addition, the fear of finding a new career was nagging at me, since I had been pursuing my creative and entrepreneurial goals for the past 5 years when it was financially plausible to do so during my marriage. As a single mother, I knew I would have to find a job that was more stable, and that was an intimidating change for someone who thrived at self-employment and had a passion for entrepreneurship.

It has been almost 6 months since my separation, and I’m still struggling with the changes to my life and my identity. It’s been daunting, overwhelming and scary, especially in the thick of all of the other changes that my family is facing at the same time.

But it’s also an opportunity to start over, to get in tune with myself, and to find out who I am and re-discover my passions. It’s a chance to clear the slate and become a newer, better version of myself by prioritizing my wellness and focusing on my own goals and self-worth.  It’s a temporary setback and I’m ready for the comeback. I got this. And if you’re currently in a similar situation and feeling doubts and fears about the future, you got this too, boo.

This Mom Staged a Beautiful Breastfeeding Photoshoot With Her Daughter and Instagram Wasn’t Having It

Clarissa Marie, a photographer and mom of 3 girls in Windsor Ontario, set out to commemorate her breastfeeding journey with a beautiful milk bath photo session showcasing the bond between mother and daughter, but when she shared them online, Instagram had other plans.

Within days of posting the artistic images, which were the product of a collaboration between Clarissa and her photographer friend Sarah Barichello, her pictures were removed as a violation to Instagram’s policies, and Clarissa was floored.

“When I woke up to the message from Instagram that my images were deemed a violation to community standards, my inner rage rose from zero to one hundred,” she said.

Clarissa was already feeling hurt after receiving an angry message about the photoshoot in her inbox from someone who wasn’t following her but had been shown the images by one of their mutual followers.

“The message was hurtful, angry and completely inappropriate, ” she said, adding that someone was trying to stir up drama in her life based on their own agenda. “I chose not to acknowledge this at all or engage this person about their words.”

Clarissa breastfed all three of her daughters, although this final journey saw her nursing beyond 15 months, which she hadn’t expected.

“If I’m being honest, extended nursing always seemed incredulous to me. Until I was doing it, and I finally understood.”

Not only did Clarissa exclusively breastfeed her third and final daughter for the first year of her life, but she also pumped and froze breast milk and began to donate to other babies in need. At one point she donated more than 60 litres to 7 different babies.

But her breastfeeding journey wasn’t always a smooth sailing one, and Clarissa faced some devastating challenges along the way. Her marriage to her husband of 11 years ended before her youngest daughter turned one, and she came down with an aggressive case of mastitis and thrush that led to numerous hospital visits and ultimately a trip to the ER to be treated for a more serious issue, multiple pulmonary embolisms.

When the cardiologist delivered the news that Clarissa would have to begin blood thinners and stop breastfeeding, Clarissa was hit with a wave of emotions and she burst into tears.

“I wasn’t ready. My baby wasn’t ready to be done with this journey. So much had already changed and been taken from me that I couldn’t accept this,” she recalls.

She brought her case to Jack Newman, a professional breastfeeding guru, and with his guidance she pushed through the pain and continued to pump. After 2 weeks, she was given the nod to breastfeed again, and she recounts that she’d never seen a happier smile on her baby’s face.

Her daughter is now 3 years old and she has been weaned down to once daily just before bed, although Clarissa says that her daughter would still be content with full time breastfeeding.

Clarissa and Sarah of SB Photography staged the beautiful nursing milk bath session using a combination of their skills and creativity; Clarissa says that her vision was perfectly executed in the images.

“I worked SO HARD and endured SO MUCH to continue my breastfeeding journey that I knew I had to have this,” she says about the photoshoot.

The response to the images on both of the photographer’s Facebook pages was a positive one; people reached out to say how beautiful and touching the photos were, and even those who were initially uncomfortable with extended breastfeeding admitted that the photos held more beauty than they expected.

When Instagram removed her images, Clarissa says she was dumbfounded and enraged by the double standards of what is considered nudity or deemed inappropriate by the social media network. She points out that her newsfeed is filled with sexual imagery, vulgar and inappropriate posts and even pornography that flies under the radar.

She notes a trend on social media where sexual images and provocative nudes receive the praise and accolades of society, while the images of the innocent act of breastfeeding a child has become controversial.

“It’s complete and utter bullshit,” she states.  Do you know that I prepared myself for a fight, negativity, or some sort of comment EVERY SINGLE TIME I nursed in public? Why is it that a nursing mother must be on guard, be ready for negativity and narrow minded comments? I’m literally feeding my baby!”

Clarissa says that she wants to shout a giant F*CK YOU to Instagram and to anyone else who chooses to sexualize the photos, or chooses to degrade her for something so beautiful and innocent as nursing a child.  She feels that society is over sexualized and that people who are offended by breastfeeding are not educated on the bond and the benefits of breastfeeding.

She has been called selfish for continuing to breastfeed her daughter beyond 15 months, and has been accused of doing it for her own benefit, which she concludes has no merit given that breastfeeding isn’t easy, and that it’s a selfless act.

But she also sees the negativity as a driving force to empower her three daughters and teach them the value of their bodies in the face of people’s ignorance.

“I want them to know if they have children, and should they choose to breastfeed, that they are met with unconditional support and love,” she says, “that they are valued for the incredible amazing things they can do.”

And when it comes to her personal  reasoning for the photoshoot and the overall message she wants her daughters to gain from her breastfeeding journey, Clarissa says that she wants them to be proud of what she was able to give to them, and to know that the love and sacrifices she made were out of love.

“I want them to remember the comfort of being in their mother’s arms, safe and loved. I want them to feel my love for them and the bond we created,” she says. “I wanted to do this nursing session as a way to begin the final chapter of weaning. To remember this incredible time, a time of my life that my body did an amazing thing; it sustained life. Soon our journey will be over.”


Images are courtesy of Clarissa Marie, photographed by Sarah Barichello of SB Photography.

Clarissa’s professional pages: 
Instagram: @clarissamariephotography2507
Facebook.com/clarissamariephotography

Sarah’s professional pages:
Instagram: @sbphotography519
Facebook.com/sbphotography

PSA: Making Jokes About Parenting Doesn’t Mean We Hate Our Kids

A common misconception that I’ve seen among parenting humor accounts is that the parents who write and share jokes about parenting must hate their kids and be awful parents.

I know this, because I’ve deleted hateful comments on my own memes, and I’ve read through the comments section of other parenting accounts and blog posts where the author’s character and parenting skills have been put under attack.

Although the internet is a cesspool for judgement and harsh critics, a comment such as this one actually left me scratching my head because it was in response to a meme I shared that referenced how most of my fantasies are about doing nothing.

IMG_20190428_160838_612 (1)Not sure how someone deduced that a meme about my lifelong affinity for being a lazy introvert would be the perfect platform to bring up abortions, but uhh, okay. *Delete/ block/ low key hope you step on a Lego/byyeee*

Luckily there’s only a handful of  hateful/preachy/random comments amidst all of the laughing face emojis and positive feedback, but it can be unnerving at times when you’re trying to keep things light and share jokes for others to relate to and laugh at.

I try not to take it personally because I realize that people who are getting mad over a random meme on the internet have their own shit they need to deal with, such as removing the giant stick out of their ass that prevents them from laughing.

Plus I have received so many amazing DM’s from people who have thanked me for creating my page and sharing the realness and laughs of parenthood, so stick that in your twisted panties and sit on it, Carol.

Additionally, I find it completely laughable because some of the jokes that I post online don’t even reflect my lifestyle or situations that have happened to me personally, or they are completely exaggerated for entertainment sake. (Ie: JOKES. Those things that aim to make people laugh. Yo Brenda, look it up when you’re done talking about abortions on people’s memes.)

Sometimes I’ll find a ridiculously hilarious picture online and just create a hypothetical situation that goes with the image to make it funnier.

To put it into perspective, I often joke about McDonald’s and chicken nuggets, but I’ve been a vegetarian pretty much since birth and I have never eaten a Big Mac in my life. *insert horrified face emoji here because I’m sure that’s the expression that most of you are rocking right now.*

I do low key obsess over McDonald’s ice cream and fountain pop though, and I’m currently counting down until dollar drink days hit for the summer. Get that 1 dollar carbonated poison in my belly all summa long, baybeee. My kids love the nugs, but we try to limit McDonalds trips to every other day and twice on Sundays. That was a joke btw, if you caught it you pass on to the next round. Ding ding ding.

I joke about PTA meetings but I’ve never been to one. I make memes based on The Office and have never seen the GD show. (Don’t unfollow; it’s not personal, I just don’t watch much in the way of shows, but I’m trying harder. Literally just got Netflix this year and omg I’ve said too much and you’re leaving now, I’m sorry, please come back.)

I don’t drink wine or coffee and I don’t have a Target in my country, (realizing I’m not winning you back over here, bare with me) but my jokes center around popular culture because I know that some of my geeky, isolated or Canadian ways aren’t relatable to the general public.

I will say that I’m completely honest when it comes to being awkward, anxious, introverted, a shitty cook, a binge eater of chocolate, a hot mess, a lone vagine in a house of peen and pretty much everything else you see on my page.

So no, I’m not going to take it to heart when strangers come onto my profile that consists of 99.9% jokes, zero pictures of my kids and maybe 2 pictures of myself, and judge my entire life based on a meme, and if you share memes, you shouldn’t feel bad either!

But I do think that too often people praise the accounts that appear to showcase parenthood in a positive rainbows and sunshine type of way, and condemn those who make jokes about parenting and talk candidly about the realities of raising kids.

Truthfully, I could just as easily capture perfect, magazine-worthy moments of motherhood and post those online to showcase that I’m a loving mother who is worthy of praise, but that wouldn’t be the entire picture, nor would it feel authentic for me.  After all, Instagram is just a lens through which people view a single manipulated image and not the whole picture.

And admittedly, I’m also guilty of not sharing the entire picture of parenthood by primarily focusing on the humorous and challenging side of it.

The whole picture is this: I love my kids with every fiber of my being and I can wholeheartedly say that they are the best thing to ever happen to me. Before they were born, I truly did not know what unconditional love was, and I felt it the moment I laid eyes on my children.  (I didn’t even puke saying something that cheesy, that’s how much I love my mf’ing kids.) They are amazing little humans and it’s a literal joy watching them grow. Hashtag blessed, okay?

That being said, parenting is HARD. It’s beautiful and messy and chaotic and emotional and real. Some days I take my kids on fun adventures using our imaginations or by travelling to different beaches, splash pads, museums and engaging in new activities. Some days we cuddle for hours, read books, have impromptu dance parties and eat healthy, organic food.

Other days we order shitty take out 2 days in a row (maybe more, because f*ckkk cooking) and spend too much time in front of the TV watching that God awful Ryan’s World show, or I yell until I feel like an unhinged crazy person that needs to hide from my kids in my bedroom so I can binge eat chocolate and cry in the fetal position.

As most people know, motherhood will test you, it will reveal every single shitty quality and quirk about yourself and inspire (force) you to grow and change.

And while you’re learning and growing every day, and when you’re feeling overwhelmed and alone in your struggles, sometimes a relatable meme and a laugh are all you need to turn your day around and remind you that we’re all occasionally drowning in this shitshow that is raising humans together. 

Humor has gotten me through some of the toughest patches of my life, and by sharing my love for jokes and laughter with my followers, not only is it my own free therapy and occasional cry for help, (spoiler alert: no one is hearing my cries so I just keep writing more memes for youuuu, hazaaahh!) but at the end of the day I am also hoping to help people feel less isolated while we trudge through these often murky and unknown trenches of motherhood together.

The bottom line: online images and personas shouldn’t be associated with a person’s actual worth and identity and are rarely a true representation of their parenting skills or love for their children. Sounds like common sense but I have a plethora of comments from strangers that prove there’s an unsettling number of people who think otherwise.

There might be perfect moments in parenting, but there are no perfect parents or perfect children, and if you can laugh through all of the challenging parts, you’re probably releasing all sorts of endorphins and other calming hormones that Brenda the angry commenter still has stuffed up her ass.

I’m Completely Comfortable Being a Lone Vagine in a House of Peen, Here’s Why

“Wow, 3 boys! Are you trying for a girl now?”

“I bet you wish you had a daughter to do girly things with.”

“Aren’t you going crazy in a house full of boys?”

These are just a few of the comments that I am often faced with when people learn that I’m a mom of 3 boys.  And in case you are wondering, the answers to those questions respectively are: no, not really, and hell to the yes I am going crazy in a house full of boys, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Not just in the cliché sense of the phrase, I mean I truly believe that the universe gave me what I needed, and knew that I’d be a better fit as a boy mom.

That’s not to say that I wouldn’t have loved and appreciated a daughter just the same; I’m not a monster who would reject my baby based on her genitalia. Aside from the fact that genitalia doesn’t always contribute to what society deems as boy or girl qualities, but
for the sake of this article being a light-hearted satire piece, we WILL be discussing certain gender related roles & characteristics as they relate to my life.

The truth is, I’m fine with this fart frat house of poop and dirt, I really am. I mean I could do without all the broken shit, the daredevil death defying stunts and I’d prefer if people in this house didn’t use my decorative towels to wash their balls, but overall, dudes are my people.  Here’s why:

1.  Although I may appear to be a girly-girl and know my way around a Sephora, I’ve been told that my personality is dude-like, and I’m not sure exactly what that means but I guess I’m just waiting for my honorary penis to show up in the mail any day now? Just kidding, I’m actually so tired of looking at penises.

2. Growing up, I always had a lot of dude BFF’s in addition to gal pals, because my dude friends were ridiculous and not afraid to swear, fart and make fun of themselves. I was an active participant in their antics where other young girls at the time were often annoyed or disgusted. (Side note: By adulthood I found more foul-mouthed, funny, like-minded ladies who I love and adore.)

With my dude friends, the laughs were non-stop, the judgement was nil, the drama was non existent and I’m pretty sure they just accepted me as one of their own. Things only got weird when they realized I couldn’t pee standing up and that I wore a bra.

3. I’m totally fine with being the only Queen in this house, unless one of my sons ends up becoming a Drag Performer, in which case I’ll then have someone to turn to for hair,  makeup and fashion advice, so it’s a win-win really.

4. I am no stranger to fart jokes, poop jokes and potty humor.  In fact, I’m a contributor and encourager of said jokes as long as my kids don’t bring them to school and tell their teacher that they learned them from their mama.

(I totally want the credit but I’m not interested in the inevitable phone call home because “Yes Mrs. Stewart, I know it’s inappropriate that my son farted into his lunch box and said ‘boy, this lunch stinks!’ but seriously, how funny is my kid, amirite?” isn’t the response they’re going to be looking for.)

5.  Once upon a time I was a teenage girl and if I had to relive that with a daughter, I’m pretty sure neither of us would survive because HOLY F*CKING HORMONES AND HOE’ING. (Yes I know not all girls are hormonal hoes, but I was, so I wouldn’t expect anything less from my actual spawn.)

6.  Boys usually love their moms no matter how batshit crazy they are, and I’m sure once I’m in menopause I’ll be even more bat shit crazy than I am now, so I’ll need a few kids that will be mostly oblivious to my antics and that won’t commit me when I get a nose ring and pink hair at 65 and decide to move to a tropical island.

(I’ve literally always wanted pink hair and a nose ring and to live on an island, so I’m assuming I’ll choose my 60’s to finally rock that YOLO kind of confidence.)

7. If I had a daughter I’d really have to work on being a better person and an appropriate female role model and ain’t nobody got time for that. My boys just accept me for the piece of shit that I am, and they also won’t tell me when my hair sucks or my outfit is weird. (For now anyways.)  Okay those were all jokes, don’t throw eggs at me. *ducks*

8. I’m assuming that when my sons are a bit older, they’ll appreciate that their mother often has the sense of humor of a pre-pubescent boy? No? Probably not? They’ll find it too hard?

That’s what she said. Ba dom bom ching!

 

 

Jenny Mollen Dropped Her Kid on His Head, and The Internet Has Questions

If you aren’t following Jenny Mollen’s outlandish, quirky, honest and often controversial Instagram page, you might not recognize her name without the mention of her famous husband, Jason Biggs.

An actress, published author, contributor at Parents Magazine, and advocate for healthy eating in children with her side hustle Dictator Lunches, Jenny has a multitude of accomplishments outside of being married to the American Pie actor. She is also well known in the online mom community for her entertaining Instagram page and witty banter.

Jenny is raw, candid, as real as it comes to the point of shameless (watching her Instagram stories will have you bearing witness to a plethora of laughable and sometimes questionable shenanigans from removing her own hair extensions with nail clippers, to getting Botox & fillers and being high on edibles or hiding from her kids in the bathroom.)

Her books are written in the same tone as her every day life- blunt, humorous, sometimes shocking, slightly erratic and always entertaining.

A revealing post on Instagram last week had a similar delivery but left a few people scratching their heads. The social media star and mother of two took to Instagram to share a picture of herself with her oldest son Sid (his face concealed for privacy) and the caption stated poignantly that she had dropped her 5-year old on his head, causing a fracture to his skull and a trip to the ICU. She went on to thank the medical staff and her husband and assured other parents that they weren’t alone.

 

Via Instagram.com/jennymollen

The post received a lot of attention and an outpouring of support and love, with many parents chiming in with admissions of their own experiences with accidents involving their children, while showering Jenny with empathetic heart emojis and praising her parenting skills.

Some commended her for bravery and “realness” and for shining light on the unedited parts of motherhood that many experience but don’t talk about.

And although thousands upon thousands of comments showed empathy for the actress/author, a few passed harsh judgement about her parenting skills and her character, some accusing her of abuse or staging a cover-up, and telling her to get off her phone.  Others questioned the motives of the post and referred to her caption as cold and narcissistic.

But most were left with unanswered questions surrounding the incident and the logistics of it. How did it happen? In what way was she carrying her 5-year old son at the time of the accident that caused him to fracture his skull? Is there a PSA she could share with people about the dangers of  ‘x’ activity?

One Instagrammer commented: “so sorry to hear! Do u mind explaining how it happened. I’ve heard of people dropping babies accidentally and they land on their heads but how did you drop a 5 year old on its head? My 5 year old hardly ever gets picked up and if she did and I happened to drop her she’d land head up.”

Her Instagram stories, typically updated every few hours with adventures in Jennyland, gave no insight into the incident and all but disappeared save for a couple unrelated share posts.  After the head injury post, she shared pictures of her sons on Easter and no further mention at the time of this writing has been given to the incident.

Maybe the details are no one’s business, but it appears that many people were left with  questions about the post and incident itself, and the vagueness surrounding it.  After all, if you’re putting anything about your life on social media, particularly if you’re a celebrity, you can expect that people will have questions and start trying to fill in gaps on their own.

Thankfully everyone in the comments section collectively agreed that they were relieved that her son was on the mend and recovering well, and that the story had a happy ending. At the end of the day, that’s what matters most.

35 Memes That Will Make you Feel Better About Being a Hot Mess

Bein’ a hot mess ain’t easy but it sure is common.

In fact, it’s one of the most popular topics in the parenting meme-iverse and recognized as the international symbol of acceptance among many parenting communities. Solidarity sister, we are in this sh*tshow together.

Check out these memes if you want to feel better about walking around all day with a chili stain on your crotch or accidentally sending a sext to your kid’s teacher. We gotchu, fam.

 
1.

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There’s nothing more versatile than the coveted baby wipe; you can use it for counters, asses and faces. (Just not in that order.)
Via @accidentalsupermom 

 

2.

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I’m not lying when I say that dishes are the worst. I’m also not lying when I say the Skip The Dishes app is my new best friend.
Via @fakeadultmom 
3.

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Ahh cereal, a dinner time staple. Can I interest you in Le Chocolat De Count or Crème de la Cheerios?
Via @draggingfeeties

 

4.

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I mean, I’m not going to do anything about it other than find a new excuse for my hot mess couture, but…..
Via @mom.wine.repeat

 

5.
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From pregnancy glow to aww hell no.  You might not even see it coming but after a few years of being a SAHM, there’s a trainwreck leaving the station and you’ll be on it.
Via @macaroniandmomjeans

 

6.

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Luckily for us hot mess moms,  camera filters have come a long way over the years and we can now easily hide those eye bags and chin hairs with a flip of a switch. Just don’t forget to flip that switch, because no one needs to know how hairy and sleep deprived we really are.
Via @momtransparenting

7.

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It’s complicated, don’t ask questions.
Via @askatewouldhaveit

 

8.
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Spoiler alert: Still a hot mess, but a hot mess with amazing hair.
Via @macaroniandmomjeans

9.

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Surely this is a conspiracy, right? My Snapchat filters have led me to believe that I’m supposed to have butterflies floating around my head, giant eyes and glowing skin at all times. So who’s that swamp donkey in the security camera? I demand answers!
Via @unicornmoms

 

10.

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I slipped into something a little more comfortable for you, I know how much you love Crocs and ripped sweatpants. Now get over here and run your fingers through my greasy hair before I’m not in the mood again.
Via @mommymemest

 

11.

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ICEBERG STRAIGHT AHEAD!! We’re all gonna dieeeee.
Credit unknown

 

12.

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You know what Susan, my kid is trying to take a dump behind that tree and I gotta bounce.
Via @itsmommyhour

 

13.

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You might be a hot mess if this is a recurring fear you have every time you’re out in public now.
Via @snarkybreeders

 

14.

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Where do I sign up because this is literally the only type of mom meetup I’d be on board for. I’ll bring the donuts and vodka.
Via @motherhaggard

 

15.

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TRYING is the key word here. Spoiler alert: I don’t.
Via @alyceoneword

 

16.

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THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! SEND BACKUP! And can you stop and grab me a latte from Starbucks when you’re on the way here? My caffeine levels are dropping rapidly and I may need an IV.
Via @stonecolddaddy

 

17.

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Friends don’t let friends feel bad about how clutter-filled and messy their house is. They just push some crap out of the way to make a path to the wine.
Via @momcomnyc
18.

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If you haven’t though about handing your kids off to strangers at least once, are you even a hot mess who is desperate for a break?
Via @bombingatmomming

19.

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It brings a tear to my eye *Sniffle*
Via @fromthebottomofmypurse

 
20.

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Mommy needs a LOT more beauty sleep okay, kids? Wake me up if anyone is bleeding or the house is on fire.
Via @motherplaylist

 

21.

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About to lose it in 3, 2, 1……
Via @momof1anddone

 

22.

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You mean 10 as in 10 thousand, right? *gulp*
Via @onefunnymummy

 

23.

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And that’s on a GOOD day to be honest.
Via @paigekellerman

 

24.

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The good news is that you can shove all your dresses into the back of your closet along with your razor.
Via @salty_mermaid_entertainment

 

25.

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I don’t care where we go or how bad my hair looks as long as there are no kids and lots of alcohol.
Via @alyceoneword

 

26.

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Wait, what are these real pants you speak of???!
Via @modernmomprobs 

 

27.

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I mean, it’s basically the same. Except way less f*cks and a lot more caffeine.
Via @modernmomprobs

 

28.

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I paid $50 for this shit, it better make me look like Beyoncé within the next hour.
Via @justlikeatvmom

 

29.

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Actually I can and I will. And if you have any more thoughts about this, tomorrow I’ll wear my robe and slippers too.
Via @reneecharytan

 

30.

Screenshot_2019-03-28-18-56-05~2

Mysterious and interesting, yes, that sounds so much nicer than shit show hot mess.
Via @wheretheeffismyhandbook

 

31.

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This is basically my mantra. Holla.
Via @lifeattiffanys

 

32.

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Make it a Venti Grande Tall Extra Large with 2 shots of new life who dis?
Via @fakeadultmom
33.

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Are there people who don’t do this? Teach me your sorcery.
Via @housewife_plus

 

34.

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All this junk is just adding a natural rustic touch to the wood grain, so who’s the real winner here?
Via @marriageandmartinis

 

35.

screenshot_2019-03-28-18-51-21.png
The lady on the right looks like a hell of a lot more fun anyways. Just sayin.
Via @healthylivingforhotmesses

35 Memes that Explain What Self-Care Looks Like as a Parent

If you’ve ever fantasized about doing absolutely nothing at all for an extended period of time, you might be a parent who is in desperate need of some me time. Let’s face it, the words parenting and self-care go together like kids and a clean house. Or DJ Khaled and not saying his name in every song he mixes. What I’m trying to say is, they don’t go together, at least not naturally.

We went over unconventional methods of self-care in my previous post The Desperate Mom’s Guide to Self-Care, and today I’m hitting you up with a barrage of memes that spell out what self-care (or lack thereof) looks like as a parent.  It’s a popular topic in the parenting community because WHO THE HECK ACTUALLY HAS TIME FOR THIS??

  1. Maybe lavender would be more calming if you were hiding from your kids in a lavender field for a week. Or you could try this:
    Screenshot_2019-03-20-13-12-08~2

Via @kristinakuzmic

 
2. Self-care as a parent is best when setting the bar low, and then lowering it more, and then throwing the bar away all together and hoping for a miracle.

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Via @Macgyveringmom22

 

3.  Even though you might not have time for self-care or sitting in a chair, you might have time to fantasize about it often, which is basically the same thing, right?

Screenshot_2019-03-20-13-11-15~2

Via @themomatlaw

 

4.  If online shopping, binge watching Netflix and inappropriate humor are wrong, I don’t want to be right.  And if this list isn’t self-care as a parent, I don’t know what is.

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Via @mommyowl

 

5.  Night time me is so ambitious; morning me is more realistic.

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Via @mommycusses

6.  Some may call this an unhealthy coping mechanism, but you don’t need to hear that kind of negativity in your life, it’s self-care.

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Via @oldkidsbooks and @neverendingmommy

7.   The best plans are no plans. Because sitting in your bed by yourself is self-care.

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Via @fakeadultmom

 

8.  I’d hang out in a manure farm if it meant I got to be alone for an hour. Okay maybe not a manure farm, but you get my drift.

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Via @goldfishandchickennuggets
9.  I pay $30 a month to have the occasional uninterrupted shower and I’m not mad about it.

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Via @lessonsfromtheminivan

 

10.  Self-care is what the Doctor ordered, too bad he didn’t have a script for it.

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Via @macaroniandmomjeans

 

11.  I prefer my pizza in my belly but this self-care aromatherapy bath looks (and probably smells) like heaven.

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Via @vegansmoothiemama

 

 

12.  When you’re a parent, anything can be self-care if you really believe in yourself.
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Via @lifeattiffanys

 

13.  When you get one self care appointment for the year, you need the all inclusive package.

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Via @humorandwine

 

14.  Sure yoga is cool, but have you tried a tranquilizer?

Screenshot_2019-03-20-12-45-40~2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Via @mimosaswithmoms
15.   Tropical getaways have a new definition when you’re a parent.

Screenshot_2019-03-20-12-51-28~2

Via @accidentalsupermom

 


16.   I’m not saying luxuries change after kids, but actually I am saying luxuries change after kids.

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Via @silkymamas

 

17. &18.   Whether you booze and meditate or booze and rage, I’m not judging your self-care routine.

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Via @mom.wine.repeat and @macaroniandmomjeans

 

19.  I don’t care, burn the house down, I’ll make s’mores.

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Via @realramblinma
20.  It’s only rock bottom if you’re parked at the edge of a cliff, you’re good boo.

Screenshot_2019-03-20-11-53-17~2

Via @macaroniandmomjeans

 

21.  CRAP.  See also: WORTH IT

Screenshot_2019-03-20-11-52-12~2

Via @howtobeadad

 

22.   Parenting: if you want uninterrupted self-care, you might want to try an induced coma.

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Via @mommymemest

 

23.   I think this is actually the definition of self-care in the Webster’s dictionary.

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Via @housewifeplus

 

24.  Why not take advantage of those first few months when your baby is a potato and bring them along for Botox appointments.

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Via @alrightmom

 

25.   If you’re taking notes, there’s a lot of hiding and very little seeking in the parent self-care game.

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Via @realtoughdad

 

26.  Them: tell me your wildest fantasy
Me:

Screenshot_2019-03-20-21-59-54~2

Via @mamasdoody

 

27.   Spoiler alert: you don’t get to relax
Screenshot_2019-03-20-16-24-55~2

 

Via @momtransparenting
28.   So many mythical creatures, so little time.

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via @mommyneedsamarg

 

29.  Take my money! WHERE DO WE SIGN UP FOR THIS?

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via @mommywinetime

 

30.   Lonely? Nah, this sounds like the definition of heaven.

Screenshot_2019-03-20-13-42-07~2

Via @katiebinghamsmith and @fromthebottomofmypurse

 

31.   Take notes: these are the real MVP’s when it comes to gifts for a mom.

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Via @askatewouldhaveit

 

32.  Parenting: where you’re willing to lose your limbs for a few minutes of alone time.

Screenshot_2019-03-20-13-35-37~2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Via @thenewstepford

 

33.  Speaking of hiding in the bathroom, did you bring snacks?

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Via @mommyneedsalife

 

34.  Not everyone can afford a hotel, stop judging me Carol.

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Via @paigekellerman_writer

 

35.  Funny you mention it, I’m writing this blog post in this exact scenario. *fist bump*

Screenshot_2019-03-23-12-12-23~2_resized

Via @marriageandmartinis

25 Memes That Explain What it’s Like to be an Awkward Introvert Parent

Today is #nationalawkwardmoments day and if there was ever a national -insert random thing here- day that I could relate to on a soul level, this is it. (Other than national carbs and yelling day, but I don’t think that’s a thing yet.) If you’re awkward and you know it,  raise your hand and trip over your feet at the same time! Then read these memes, because you might relate to a few.

 

1. Hello, I’d like to order a lifetime supply of these name tags please; also maybe it could say “please don’t talk to me” at the bottom?

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Via @scarymommy on Instagram

2.   Sometimes you just gotta fire off that text and stress about it for a million hours afterwards, amirite? Whatever keeps us up all night…

 

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Via @lifeattiffanys on Instagram

3. My brain: Correction- everything was going well but now we bout to make shit real awkward. What should we do first to drive people away? Talk about diarrhea and hemorrhoids or sneeze into the punch bowl?
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Via: @mommymemest on Instagram

 

4. I really need more friends but I don’t really want more friends, know what I mean? Listen it’s complicated Karen, let’s just cancel this play date and reschedule never mmkay? Good talk.

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Via @silkymams on Instagram

5.  Don’t make it weird, I’m weird enough.

Screenshot_2019-03-18-15-57-22~2

Via: @snarkybreeders on Instagram


6.  My Brain: Shut up! Pay attention to the social cues!
My mouth: nah, don’t listen to that, just keep talking until they run away fam!

ZomboMeme 08032019223237
Via @macaroniandmomjeans on Instagram

 

7.   I’ve never felt so seen. If you feel this to your core, you might be an awkward introvert and you might be comforted to know that there are more of us out there, (mostly in hiding.)

Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-45-59~2
Via: @bombingatmomming on Instagram

8.  “It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, Now I’m Filled With Regret”:  the title of my autobiography.

Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-42-39~2

Via @playdatesonfridays on Instagram

9.  Okay byyyeee, it’s been great not catching up, ignore ya (I mean see ya) at the next forced social gathering.

Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-32-35~2

Via @draggingfeeties on Instagram

10.  Hmm, I don’t get it. *peers out from my spot behind the tree where I’m hiding from the other parents, only to find my child had joined me*
Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-20-17~2
Via @mymomologue on Instagram

11.  Introvert vacations: like regular vacations but without the people, overstimulation, noise and bright lights. See also: our beds.

Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-14-55~2

Via @stamfordmommy on Instagram

12.  I don’t like to brag but I’m committed to my fitness and avoiding people I know at all costs.
Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-14-37~2
Via @difficultmommy on Instagram

13. It’s really weird, my phone does this thing where it rings while I’m trying to scroll through Instagram and also I don’t understand why you’re not texting me.

Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-14-07~2

Via @cmonmama on Instagram

14.  And this is why my mom friends are mostly on the internet. *shrugs*

Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-13-45~2
Via @motherhoodunderstood on Instagram

15.  This is fine. I’m fine.

Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-11-16~2
Via @closetoclassy on Instagram

16.  I’d love to come to your thing except I’m lying and I’d rather stay home and binge watch shows while eating snacks.

Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-10-13~2

Via @closetoclassy on Instagram

 

17.   Would you look at the time? It’s awkward o’clock and time to find a new park.

Screenshot_2019-03-18-13-34-33~2
Via @the.nerd.dad on Instagram

18.  I mean, yeah, I’m the life of the party if the party is filled with people I know and if the party is in my bed and there’s no other people.
Screenshot_2019-03-18-13-51-42~2
Via @amyweatherly on Instagram

19. Please refer to my nametag in point #1 of this list.

Screenshot_2019-03-18-13-33-46~2
Via the.nerd.dad on Instagram

20.  Hey, do you guys like Guacamole and thrift stores? Who wants to play charades? No one? Cool, I’ll go first….

Screenshot_2019-03-18-13-30-07~2
Via @mommymemest on Instagram

21.  Dear cashier at Target, I thought we were friends after you asked me if I wanted a bag and that’s why I’m now telling you my life story.
Signed: a mom who doesn’t get out much

ZomboMeme 24102018122512
Via @macaroniandmomjeans on Instagram

 

22.  Can I order this??

Screenshot_2019-03-18-16-13-59~2
Via @marriageandmartinis on Instagram

23.  My favorite kind of small talk is the kind where no one talks to me.
Screenshot_2019-03-18-14-19-20~2

Via @healthylivingforhotmesses on Instagram


24.  If this isn’t your manifesto, are you even an awkward mom?

Screenshot_2019-03-18-13-27-28~2
Via @themomatlaw on Instagram

25.   If I could have any superpower, it would be to make myself disappear when someone suggests this awful activity in a group setting.

Screenshot_2019-01-30-18-02-39
Via @macaroniandmomjeans on Instagram

Why Medicating Our Son’s ADHD May Have Saved His Life

Two years ago, after a particularly difficult and frightening summer for our family, we received the ADHD diagnosis for our oldest child and made the decision to medicate. I believe it has saved his life, for many reasons, some that I won’t divulge here because he is now older and I feel that some things should be kept private, but it was a very intense two years and a long road leading up to the diagnosis and our eventual decision to medicate.

In short, there were calls home from the school, slipping grades, aggression in the school yard and turmoil at home that made things unsafe for our family. He has always been a smart child and an amazing athlete, but the symptoms of ADHD were hindering his abilities, affecting his well being and the well being of our family.

I wrote the following on the first day of giving my son medication in August of 2017:

Today was the first harmonious day we have experienced in our home in well over a year and I feel like crying tears of joy right now. I’ve been crying a lot lately, mostly tears of helplessness because I haven’t been able to find a way to help my oldest son and we have all been feeling like we are drowning.

Today my son said to me, “I feel like a new me” and my heart nearly burst with joy. He said he felt calm, that he didn’t feel angry, and for the first time in a long time, we saw the boy we knew was deep down inside of him. Today he was happy, agreeable, easy going and helpful. He showed gratitude and patience, and was able to respond to situations in a manner that was appropriate to the situation. He felt good, and it showed. 

Today our house was quieter, calmer, there were no meltdowns, tantrums, threats or fights. Today for the first time in over a year, our oldest son didn’t antagonize his younger siblings or call us names, he didn’t fight, act out, ignore us and bounce off the walls crying out that he hates his brain and wishes he was a “normal’ kid. A truly heartbreaking thing for a parent to hear. 

I didn’t feel like a terrible parent for not being able to “control” his behaviours or calm him with love and attention. I didn’t cry at night, wondering how I would wake up another day feeling helpless to his struggles and the heartbreaking things he said and did during an emotionally charged outburst. Today I didn’t lose my cool out of frustration or beat myself up thinking how I could have handled things better. I didn’t feel like a terrible mother. 

Today we started medication for ADHD and we felt like we gave our son his life back.

I will admit that I used to view ADHD in the way that television or movies portrayed it; as hyperactivity and a lack of focus, but that’s only a small portion of the challenges people with ADHD face. They may also struggle with impulses, emotional regulation, aggression, concentration, organization, and extreme difficulties accomplishing regular tasks of every day life.

The opinions of others made me feel like we had given up by medicating our son, but in reality if we hadn’t stepped in, I feared the worst for him. The truth is, unless you are living in someone’s home, experiencing their lives firsthand and walking in their shoes, you wouldn’t know what is best for their family or their child.

So although I know I will have to deal with the occasional comments and criticisms or skeptical looks from outsiders when they hear about medication or ADHD, I know what science says, I know what my experiences say and I know what my heart says. 

I realized that there was no amount of love, activity, diet change, positive parenting class or essential oil that could have changed things for our son, because ADHD starts inside a person’s brain. Without getting into the science behind it, their brains are different, they are lacking certain chemicals and it affects their mental health and wellness. 

Although we realize medication is most useful in conjunction with therapy and positive parenting, and that medication is only the beginning of our journey, we feel it is a necessary step to help improve our son’s quality of life and to realize his true potential. To calm the negative thoughts and turmoil in his mind so he can see through the fog and know how amazing he really is. 

There are many people in our family who struggle with ADHD, and some of them are adults, so although some argue that it is overdiagnosed in children, contrary to outdated mentality, it is NOT a made up illness. ADHD is a brain disorder, not a behavior problem or a result of bad parenting.

I know this, because today I saw the symptoms of ADHD lifted from my child and when the smoke cleared, a happier, healthier 7 year old re-emerged.

Today was a good day.

 

ADHDMythsTruthADHD-Myths-Previewslide_11

 

 

Be Free

Sometimes we have to let go…
Let go of what other people think of us,
Let go of drama, toxicity, and
people who are committed to misunderstanding us,
Let go of the what-ifs and embrace the uncertainty
with open arms.

Sometimes we need to release…
Release the hold that other people have on our minds
and clear the path for positive energy,
Release the need to explain ourselves, the need to redeem ourselves,
the need to tame ourselves
to make others comfortable.

Sometimes we have to move on…
Move on from people, places and things,
that poison our hearts, our minds and our spirits
Move on from pain, hurt, and setbacks
and open ourselves to new experiences.

Being comfortable won’t help us learn.
Being stuck won’t help us grow,
Being trapped by the limiting beliefs in our minds
won’t give us the life we want.

Sometimes fear keeps us from sharing the best parts
of ourselves, and prevents us from truly living,
Fear holds us back from the things we deserve
and the people we need,
Fear puts us in a box with a label and leaves no room
for change.

Allow yourself to let go, move forward, release the chains
that are holding you captive, and light that fire within.
Allow yourself to be free.

-Stacey M