PSA: Making Jokes About Parenting Doesn’t Mean We Hate Our Kids

A common misconception that I’ve seen among parenting humor accounts is that the parents who write and share jokes about parenting must hate their kids and be awful parents.

I know this, because I’ve deleted hateful comments on my own memes, and I’ve read through the comments section of other parenting accounts and blog posts where the author’s character and parenting skills have been put under attack.

Although the internet is a cesspool for judgement and harsh critics, a comment such as this one actually left me scratching my head because it was in response to a meme I shared that referenced how most of my fantasies are about doing nothing.

IMG_20190428_160838_612 (1)Not sure how someone deduced that a meme about my lifelong affinity for being a lazy introvert would be the perfect platform to bring up abortions, but uhh, okay. *Delete/ block/ low key hope you step on a Lego/byyeee*

Luckily there’s only a handful of  hateful/preachy/random comments amidst all of the laughing face emojis and positive feedback, but it can be unnerving at times when you’re trying to keep things light and share jokes for others to relate to and laugh at.

I try not to take it personally because I realize that people who are getting mad over a random meme on the internet have their own shit they need to deal with, such as removing the giant stick out of their ass that prevents them from laughing.

Plus I have received so many amazing DM’s from people who have thanked me for creating my page and sharing the realness and laughs of parenthood, so stick that in your twisted panties and sit on it, Carol.

Additionally, I find it completely laughable because some of the jokes that I post online don’t even reflect my lifestyle or situations that have happened to me personally, or they are completely exaggerated for entertainment sake. (Ie: JOKES. Those things that aim to make people laugh. Yo Brenda, look it up when you’re done talking about abortions on people’s memes.)

Sometimes I’ll find a ridiculously hilarious picture online and just create a hypothetical situation that goes with the image to make it funnier.

To put it into perspective, I often joke about McDonald’s and chicken nuggets, but I’ve been a vegetarian pretty much since birth and I have never eaten a Big Mac in my life. *insert horrified face emoji here because I’m sure that’s the expression that most of you are rocking right now.*

I do low key obsess over McDonald’s ice cream and fountain pop though, and I’m currently counting down until dollar drink days hit for the summer. Get that 1 dollar carbonated poison in my belly all summa long, baybeee. My kids love the nugs, but we try to limit McDonalds trips to every other day and twice on Sundays. That was a joke btw, if you caught it you pass on to the next round. Ding ding ding.

I joke about PTA meetings but I’ve never been to one. I make memes based on The Office and have never seen the GD show. (Don’t unfollow; it’s not personal, I just don’t watch much in the way of shows, but I’m trying harder. Literally just got Netflix this year and omg I’ve said too much and you’re leaving now, I’m sorry, please come back.)

I don’t drink wine or coffee and I don’t have a Target in my country, (realizing I’m not winning you back over here, bare with me) but my jokes center around popular culture because I know that some of my geeky, isolated or Canadian ways aren’t relatable to the general public.

I will say that I’m completely honest when it comes to being awkward, anxious, introverted, a shitty cook, a binge eater of chocolate, a hot mess, a lone vagine in a house of peen and pretty much everything else you see on my page.

So no, I’m not going to take it to heart when strangers come onto my profile that consists of 99.9% jokes, zero pictures of my kids and maybe 2 pictures of myself, and judge my entire life based on a meme, and if you share memes, you shouldn’t feel bad either!

But I do think that too often people praise the accounts that appear to showcase parenthood in a positive rainbows and sunshine type of way, and condemn those who make jokes about parenting and talk candidly about the realities of raising kids.

Truthfully, I could just as easily capture perfect, magazine-worthy moments of motherhood and post those online to showcase that I’m a loving mother who is worthy of praise, but that wouldn’t be the entire picture, nor would it feel authentic for me.  After all, Instagram is just a lens through which people view a single manipulated image and not the whole picture.

And admittedly, I’m also guilty of not sharing the entire picture of parenthood by primarily focusing on the humorous and challenging side of it.

The whole picture is this: I love my kids with every fiber of my being and I can wholeheartedly say that they are the best thing to ever happen to me. Before they were born, I truly did not know what unconditional love was, and I felt it the moment I laid eyes on my children.  (I didn’t even puke saying something that cheesy, that’s how much I love my mf’ing kids.) They are amazing little humans and it’s a literal joy watching them grow. Hashtag blessed, okay?

That being said, parenting is HARD. It’s beautiful and messy and chaotic and emotional and real. Some days I take my kids on fun adventures using our imaginations or by travelling to different beaches, splash pads, museums and engaging in new activities. Some days we cuddle for hours, read books, have impromptu dance parties and eat healthy, organic food.

Other days we order shitty take out 2 days in a row (maybe more, because f*ckkk cooking) and spend too much time in front of the TV watching that God awful Ryan’s World show, or I yell until I feel like an unhinged crazy person that needs to hide from my kids in my bedroom so I can binge eat chocolate and cry in the fetal position.

As most people know, motherhood will test you, it will reveal every single shitty quality and quirk about yourself and inspire (force) you to grow and change.

And while you’re learning and growing every day, and when you’re feeling overwhelmed and alone in your struggles, sometimes a relatable meme and a laugh are all you need to turn your day around and remind you that we’re all occasionally drowning in this shitshow that is raising humans together. 

Humor has gotten me through some of the toughest patches of my life, and by sharing my love for jokes and laughter with my followers, not only is it my own free therapy and occasional cry for help, (spoiler alert: no one is hearing my cries so I just keep writing more memes for youuuu, hazaaahh!) but at the end of the day I am also hoping to help people feel less isolated while we trudge through these often murky and unknown trenches of motherhood together.

The bottom line: online images and personas shouldn’t be associated with a person’s actual worth and identity and are rarely a true representation of their parenting skills or love for their children. Sounds like common sense but I have a plethora of comments from strangers that prove there’s an unsettling number of people who think otherwise.

There might be perfect moments in parenting, but there are no perfect parents or perfect children, and if you can laugh through all of the challenging parts, you’re probably releasing all sorts of endorphins and other calming hormones that Brenda the angry commenter still has stuffed up her ass.

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I’m Completely Comfortable Being a Lone Vagine in a House of Peen, Here’s Why

“Wow, 3 boys! Are you trying for a girl now?”

“I bet you wish you had a daughter to do girly things with.”

“Aren’t you going crazy in a house full of boys?”

These are just a few of the comments that I am often faced with when people learn that I’m a mom of 3 boys.  And in case you are wondering, the answers to those questions respectively are: no, not really, and hell to the yes I am going crazy in a house full of boys, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Not just in the cliché sense of the phrase, I mean I truly believe that the universe gave me what I needed, and knew that I’d be a better fit as a boy mom.

That’s not to say that I wouldn’t have loved and appreciated a daughter just the same; I’m not a monster who would reject my baby based on her genitalia. Aside from the fact that genitalia doesn’t always contribute to what society deems as boy or girl qualities, but
for the sake of this article being a light-hearted satire piece, we WILL be discussing certain gender related roles & characteristics as they relate to my life.

The truth is, I’m fine with this fart frat house of poop and dirt, I really am. I mean I could do without all the broken shit, the daredevil death defying stunts and I’d prefer if people in this house didn’t use my decorative towels to wash their balls, but overall, dudes are my people.  Here’s why:

1.  Although I may appear to be a girly-girl and know my way around a Sephora, I’ve been told that my personality is dude-like, and I’m not sure exactly what that means but I guess I’m just waiting for my honorary penis to show up in the mail any day now? Just kidding, I’m actually so tired of looking at penises.

2. Growing up, I always had a lot of dude BFF’s in addition to gal pals, because my dude friends were ridiculous and not afraid to swear, fart and make fun of themselves. I was an active participant in their antics where other young girls at the time were often annoyed or disgusted. (Side note: By adulthood I found more foul-mouthed, funny, like-minded ladies who I love and adore.)

With my dude friends, the laughs were non-stop, the judgement was nil, the drama was non existent and I’m pretty sure they just accepted me as one of their own. Things only got weird when they realized I couldn’t pee standing up and that I wore a bra.

3. I’m totally fine with being the only Queen in this house, unless one of my sons ends up becoming a Drag Performer, in which case I’ll then have someone to turn to for hair,  makeup and fashion advice, so it’s a win-win really.

4. I am no stranger to fart jokes, poop jokes and potty humor.  In fact, I’m a contributor and encourager of said jokes as long as my kids don’t bring them to school and tell their teacher that they learned them from their mama.

(I totally want the credit but I’m not interested in the inevitable phone call home because “Yes Mrs. Stewart, I know it’s inappropriate that my son farted into his lunch box and said ‘boy, this lunch stinks!’ but seriously, how funny is my kid, amirite?” isn’t the response they’re going to be looking for.)

5.  Once upon a time I was a teenage girl and if I had to relive that with a daughter, I’m pretty sure neither of us would survive because HOLY F*CKING HORMONES AND HOE’ING. (Yes I know not all girls are hormonal hoes, but I was, so I wouldn’t expect anything less from my actual spawn.)

6.  Boys usually love their moms no matter how batshit crazy they are, and I’m sure once I’m in menopause I’ll be even more bat shit crazy than I am now, so I’ll need a few kids that will be mostly oblivious to my antics and that won’t commit me when I get a nose ring and pink hair at 65 and decide to move to a tropical island.

(I’ve literally always wanted pink hair and a nose ring and to live on an island, so I’m assuming I’ll choose my 60’s to finally rock that YOLO kind of confidence.)

7. If I had a daughter I’d really have to work on being a better person and an appropriate female role model and ain’t nobody got time for that. My boys just accept me for the piece of shit that I am, and they also won’t tell me when my hair sucks or my outfit is weird. (For now anyways.)  Okay those were all jokes, don’t throw eggs at me. *ducks*

8. I’m assuming that when my sons are a bit older, they’ll appreciate that their mother often has the sense of humor of a pre-pubescent boy? No? Probably not? They’ll find it too hard?

That’s what she said. Ba dom bom ching!